Courtney Malloy Had To Be Rescued After Becoming Stuck Between Two Buildings
Stupid drunk college bimbo Courtney Malloy learned a hard lesson when she tried navigating an 8-inch-wide gap between two buildings and became stuck. The lesson she learned was, don't be drunk and stupid because it causes you to misjudge the amount of space you have to squeeze your ass between two buildings. I guess Malloy figured, "I'm cute and skinny and nothing bad can ever happen to me." Wrong dipshit. Completely fucking assholishly wrong.
Malloy was discovered at 12:30 in the morning wedged into this space after people heard her desperate cries for help. Fire fighters were summoned and after they got done laughing they set about freeing Courtney from her tight spot. It took an hour but they finally figured out how to get her out. Afterward Courtney claimed not to remember how she got stuck in the space. Well I know sweetie. It was God trying to send you a message. God sent a signal into your brain telling you to do this stupid thing and you were too drunk and stupid to resist. So now God has tested you and knows exactly how stupid you are. By the way, if you're reading this and you have any notion of sending me an email asking me to take down this post? Um, don't bother. Ask Christina Das. No mercy for stupid bitches.