Warren Thomas Michael III's DUI Experience Includes Being Attacked By A Pet Squirrel
If you drive drunk there's a good chance you will get yourself in trouble. If you drive drunk with your pet squirrel stuffed down your shirt? There's an even greater chance you will get yourself in trouble. Warren Thomas Michael III was put on earth to teach us this lesson. Mr. Michael was driving his pick-up near Jacksonville with his girlfriend along when he got pulled over for swerving all over the road and nearly causing an accident. Yes Mr. Michael was drunk but that wasn't the only reason he was swerving. It was also the pain from having his chest bitten by the squirrel down his shirt.
The officer made Michael "secure the squirrel" and exit the vehicle. A sobriety test was administered and Michael failed. The squirrel was handed over to Michael's girlfriend while Michael was carted off to jail. When asked about Michael's behavior the girlfriend confessed that he drinks a lot but says he won't listen when people tell him to stop. Of course he won't listen. He's got that evil squirrel telling him what to do. You've gotta get rid of the squirrel. Trust me. Those things are bad news. They will make you do all sorts of shit. They've got some kind of weird mind control power. I'd talk about this more but I can hear the squirrel coming. It's going to want its bath. And then I have to finish cutting up the bodies.