Charlie Sheen was the only person in the world who didn't know Charlie Sheen was a totally insane delusional psycho. Now even Charlie Sheen knows. He told Playboy magazine, he now realizes he was totally out of his mind when did all that crazy shit last year with the tiger blood and the winning and the nightly trainwreck of a live tour and the goddesses. "I don't know what happened," Sheen confessed. "I think I cracked."
Cracked? No no no Charlie. When I sit here all day eating toasted almond fudge ice cream and watching old movies cause I don't want to face life anymore, that's cracking. What you did, that was cracking and having hot psycho-lava come streaming out of the middle of you and melt you into a puddle of orange goo that drained off into the sewer system and merged with sewer animals to create a bizarre sewer monster that crawled back out of the sewer and ransacked the world. You super-cracked, is what you did homie.
And who was to blame for Sheen's "psychotic break"? Show biz and women of course. "It was the buildup of all the time I've been in the business, the divorces and everything," Sheen said.. "I started to unravel. I was mad about having to play the game—not that I was playing it well, but I'd been doing it for so long. I finally just said the things I had always been thinking. But in the middle of a psychotic break." He added, "I was in total denial. I felt I was winning by finally being able to speak my mind. I felt that was some sort of victory. And then it was fueled by the insane public outpouring of support."
So basically he went on a several month manic ego-trip fueled by the approbation of idiots. How the fuck come that never happens to me? I want to take a bunch of drugs, have a psychotic break from reality, think I'm an Adonis with tiger blood who can say terrible things about Jews and have the world cheer me on. But that's not how it would play out for my sorry ass. I'd just get my butt kicked by some teenagers or something. I suck.