Okay answer this one for me. Why the fuck do they need Sea World in Australia? Don't most people in Australia live along the coast? So Sea World is like fucking right outside their windows all the time. For free. But they pay to go to Sea World anyway. What kind of exotic shit do they put in Australian Sea World? Oh. Penguins. I guess there are no penguins in Australia. Except for the ones in Sea World and the ones Crocodile Dundee keeps prisoner so he can rape them.
So these three British dudes got wasted and broke into Sea World in Australia and stole one of the penguins. Dirk. That's the name of the penguin they stole. Dirk? What fucking kind of name is that for a penguin? Roger. That's a penguin name. Or Sully. Dirk, that's a cormorant name. Maybe an albatross. Those Aussies are idiots when it comes to bird naming.
So what happened to Dirk the penguin? Well it's a scary story with a happy ending. The three drunk Brits apparently panicked after sobering up and realizing they'd stolen a penguin. Not wanting to admit their crime, they released the penguin into crocodile-infested waters and ran for it. Luckily the penguin was not eaten. Someone spotted it and thought to themselves, "There ain't supposed to be no penguin in them there waters mate. It must've been stolen from Sea World by some drunk British assholes mate. Wanna return the penguin to Sea World and then throw another shrimp on the barbie? Mate?" So the penguin got taken back to Sea World and is now happily swimming around in its piss-and-shit-filled water the end.