The Duchess of Alba walked the red carpet with Tom Cruise for the premiere of Mission: Impossible - My Career Is in The Shitter So I Have to Make Another One of These Fucking Things. Witnesses say Tom looked "uncomfortable" in the Duchess' presence. Well yeah...she has a vagina. Tom is uncomfortable in the presence of anyone who has a vagina. That's why he had Katie's sewn up and covered with a skin graft. Now her area looks just like his. At night they nuzzle each others nullified genital regions and make otherworldly cooing sounds.
You know who wasn't uncomfortable on the red carpet? The Duchess of Alba. She is a very confident woman. And why shouldn't she be? Just look at that face. If she had lived in Da Vinci's day he would've said fuck off to the woman who inspired the Mona Lisa and painted her instead. "But Crabbie, she couldn't have had that face in Da Vinci's day, cause plastic surgery didn't exist." How dare you! Those features are completely natural! You are just jealous of her epic beauty! And that hair. And that coat that looks like a badger was nesting in it. What a woman.