The Freemasons won't have any trouble finding Lindsay Lohan for the next 5 weeks. Today the actress received her ankle bracelet and began her 35-day house arrest at her townhouse in Venice, CA. Lindsay will spend her sentence surfing the net, masturbating and working on a novel she will never finish. She basically has my life now, except that I'm allowed to drink as much as I want. Take that Lohan!
It's going to be a long few weeks for Lindsay, stuck there in her house with nothing to do but amuse herself in the many ways a rich person may amuse themselves when they're not able to go outside. Being basically a shut-in myself I have some advice for Lindsay. #1: Don't get too freaked-out by the voices. You'll soon discover that they are your friends, especially through the lonesome times. #2: Go easy on the Glade. After a few days you'll stop smelling your nasty self anyway. #3: Exercise. Pace back and forth. Do push-ups. Keep your back limber. Don't lie there in bed moaning or you'll wind up with bedsores. #4: Spiders make bad pets. You can't teach them tricks and they're always disappearing. Bastards.
1 comments:
I hate the way spiders keep disappearing. Where do they go? Are they watching me with their eight beady eyes wherever it was they went? I know they are.
Post a Comment