Without his wig on John Travolta looks like Richter from Total Recall. Okay people? You satisfied? You've seen it now. John Travolta has a creepy old man hairline with a little off-center tuft still clinging heroically to his skull. It's like black snow atop a round pink mountain. I'm guessing by the look on John's face, he wasn't too happy about having his picture taken in that particular state. Caption: John Travolta Stares Icy Needles of Bald-Man Hatred into Poorly Concealed Photographer. Look at the bright side John: At least you have your shirt on. You think Travolta's head is disturbing? You should see his floppy white cheeseburger gut. And I thought Scientologists were all about keeping the body free of toxins and crap.
This is one of the few times the Crabster gets to legitimately gloat over someone else. Sure, you can call me out on making fun of fat lazy people when I ain't exactly Jack LaLanne, and you can bash me for ripping other people's stupidity when me isn't very smartish neither. But I got you fuckers on baldness. My hair genes are cream-of-the-crop. Forty is creeping up on me (slowly) and outside of the ones I've pulled out because of stress I still have every strand. Family history tells me that when I'm 70 I'll still be sporting my luxurious locks (which will be slightly creepy at 70 but I don't give a fuck). So because of my good fortune I get to say anything I want about suckas like Travolta and you can't come back at me. Eat it chrome-domes!
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