Crabbie Unmasked...Kind Of

So my pal Frimmy asked me to participate in a little Q&A. And I said yes. The result is over on her great blog Frimmbits. This is a highly revealing interview. Major cutting-open-a-vein going on. Well maybe not. But it was fun anyway and thanks Frimmy for being a fan and finding me interesting enough to interview.

Crabbie Podcast Season 1, Episode 18

Crabbie is having issues with his neighbors. Find out what happened. Download.

Crazy Estonians Redefine Music For All Times

Thanks to True Blood Sucks Now for passing this along. I think. I'm not sure. This could either be genius or crap. Depending on how much acid you've taken. I've taken no acid today unfortunately. So I'm not sure I'm totally feeling this. These guys are Estonian I guess? Well they certainly have a lot of energy. Meth will do that to you.

Crabbie Podcast Season 1, Episode 17

Crabbie discusses a couple movies he watched this week. The 1947 film noir Out of the Past and the '70s art house "thriller" The Passenger. Download.

Justin Bieber Accused of Battery

Outlaw maniac Justin Bieber is once again in trouble with the law. This time Bieber is accused of battery after an argument with a neighbor. Cops were called to Bieber's Calabasas home Tuesday morning after the altercation. The neighbor claims Bieber made threats and cops are investigating. What was the argument even about? Were saggy pants in any way involved? How many times do I have to tell you little bastards PULL YOUR FUCKING PANTS UP YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE. No one wants to see your underwear or crack or pubes or shaft or any of that. Except maybe me.

I'm just speculating on the nature of the altercation. Might've been something else altogether. Might've been one of those regular neighbor disputes. Somebody leaving their shit on the lawn or mowing over the line or something. Playing the music too loud whilst washing the car. STOP PLAYING THAT LOUD-ASS HIPPITY-HOP MUSIC WHILE YOU'RE SOAPING DOWN THE BMW, BIEBER NEEDS HIS QUIET TIME. Bieber gets cranky if he misses sleepy time. Also he lost his favorite blankey. So he's stressing right now. And he ran out of weed. Fucking asshole neighbor being a drag on the Biebs. No wonder he went over there and started yelling shit. Cops all up in his shit now. WHEN WILL BIEBER CATCH A BREAK????

Jon Hamm Is Sick Of People Obsessing Over His Junk

Jon Hamm doesn't like wearing underwear. He likes letting things hang around free. We all saw the pictures right? Yes. We saw them. We ZOOMED IN on them. We examined them like frames from the Zapruder film. I have no problem admitting it. Jon Hamm's junk is the JFK assassination and I'm Oliver Stone. Whoever invented giant high-res image files THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Those fuckers take up way too much space on my hard drive but it's totally worth it. I just had to delete some stuff. Family stuff. All those pictures of my dead mother that were scanned just before the fire. I KNEW I should've printed those out. Oh well. I never loved the bitch anyway. Jon Hamm's junk? Different story.

There are some who might consider me a sick bastard. Loving Jon Hamm's junk more than your deceased mother? That bitch BROUGHT YOU INTO THE WORLD. What did Jon Hamm's junk ever do for you? OH IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Anyways, apparently I'm a sicko for being all over Jon Hamm's junk in a virtual sense. This according to the owner of the junk in question. Yeah Jon Hamm is sick of sickos like me. He thinks we need to get a life. He told Rolling Stone, "They're called 'privates' for a reason." Then he got snippy. He said, "I'm wearing pants for fuck sake. Lay off. I mean it's not like I'm a fucking lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn't part of the deal. But whatever. I guess it's better than being called out for the opposite."

Jon Hamm is testy about people scoping out his junk? Also WHERE IS THE TUMBLR ABOUT JON HAMM'S COCK AND WHY HAVEN'T I BOOKMARKED IT??? And oh, get over yourself Jon Hamm. OH NO PEOPLE KEEP LOOKING AT MY JUNK. Suggestion: throw on a pair of underwear. Yes I know you don't like underwear. You're a commando guy. I get it. It's cool with me. Let that shit swing away. But you know, you do have to realize, that shit has an effect on the world. You think it's your junk and you should be able to commando it or not commando it as you choose. I don't think you really appreciate the power of your junk. I think you underestimate the power of your own junk. I think it's time for you to reassess. Yes we're all sickos but you have to realize, we can't help ourselves. As long as your junk is swinging we're going to keep zooming. And some asshole will make a Tumblr. God damn it, I can't remember my Tumblr password now. I can't concentrate because Jon Hamm's cock keeps distracting me. See what I mean? That shit has powers. WE ARE HELPLESS BEFORE THE MIGHT OF HAMM'S JUNK. Helpless I tell ya.

Crabbie Podcast Season 1, Episode 16

In his newest vodkast Crabbie goes off on Lindsay and Michael Lohan. And complains about religion and cops. Download.

Lindsay Lohan is Going to Rehab for 90 Days Yeah Right

Who else laughed when they heard Lindsay Lohan was taking 90 days in rehab as part of a deal to avoid jail time? Yeah right. Lindsay’s going to stay in rehab for 90 days. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take a shower every day that Lindsay stays in rehab. A shower every day for 90 days straight? That would be a first for me. Hell I’m willing to bet I’ve never gone 7 straight days taking a shower. 90 days would be a record by a long way. But I don’t have to worry about making that record cause there’s no fucking way Lindsay is lasting 90 days. And yeah I know this is locked-in rehab. This is plea deal rehab. So she HAS to stay in there. But I’m still saying no fucking way. No way in hell she lasts 90 days. No way she lasts even 9 days. She will wig the fuck out and run for it. No rehab person or guard or cop or Navy SEAL will be able to stop her. I’d get in the way of a tank before I’d get in the way of a freaking out Lindsay Lohan. Imagine a freaking out Lindsay Lohan DRIVING A FUCKING TANK.

It’s crazy to me that Lindsay’s new lawyer couldn’t get her a better deal than this. Is this guy fucking inept? This is Teflon Lindsay we’re talking about. She doesn’t take rehab, she skates. Clearly Shawn Holley was more vital to the whole process than we ever knew. Holley was the whole key to the thing. And Lindsay didn’t appreciate that. She took Holley for granted. There’s some kind of poetic justice in this I think. Cause that’s Lindsay’s story isn’t it? Taking everything for granted including her freedom. Well there’s lots of stuff you can take for granted in this world. Family. Friends. Always being able to turn a buck if you need to. People kissing your ass if you’re famous. But here’s the lesson. Don’t take your fucking lawyer for granted. EVER. Lindsay learned that bitch the hard way. And I don’t feel sorry for her one little bit. And I’m not worried about having to pay off my shower bet because there’s just no fucking way. I hope they’ve got the helicopters fired up cause this bastard’s ending in a freeway chase. IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO END IN A FREEWAY CHASE.

Crabbie Podcast Season 1, Episode 15

Crabbie rants about the annoying people at the library. Warning: offensive content. Download.

Crabbie Podcast Season 1, Episode 14

I promised it yesterday but shit happens. Here it is today. I discuss Justin Bieber's recent troubles. I also get into frozen food. And other stuff I can't remember now. Listen and be surprised. Download.